She Didn’t Really Like High School Anyway
(the Come to My Window Remix)

by SlayMeSoftly

Fandom(s): Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 1,670 words
Rating: PG
Note: Having a vampire for a BFF can be tricky.

Remix of “Come to My Window”.

I knew not every bint in Sunnyhell High could be a cheerleader … This little hardcase looks like just the thing to take home to Dru. If we get lucky, it might even turn out she knows the Slayer …

Yeah, that’s right, luv. Both those gits are goners and I’m takin’ you home with me.

Feisty thing. My kind of bird — foul-mouthed and tough as nails. The bint’s got more sense than you’d think, though. One growl after I’d taken care of her two “friends” and she froze. She knew I’d have her before she got ten feet. Looked like she might’ve been thinking about giving me a fight of it till I knocked that idea out of her. Nothing like a good clip on the chin to make it clear who’s in charge. This one should keep Dru happy for at least a couple of hours.

Wakey, wakey, spitfire. Time to meet a real vampire.

Still feeling feisty — can hear that heart pounding, but she's looking at Dru like she wants to make a fight of it. Best hang close till Dru gets her properly thralled …

Have at it, luv. Enjoy her while you can. Just don’t do too much visible damage. I’ve got plans for her later.


I’ll give the new minion credit. She was ready to take us both on when she rose. Didn’t do her any good, o’ course, but was fun for a bit. She woke up all hungry and full of fight. Took to feeding like a duck to water.

Didn’t argue when I set her on the Slayer, either. Maybe she doesn’t know about the Slayer — they probably don’t run in the same circles. Can’t see Heaven’s Chosen One staggering out of a dive like the one I found Sheila in. Huh, what do you know? Turns out she does know her. Calls her Buffy; was even supposed to be there tonight to help out with biscuits or whatever. Maybe this plan is going to work out even better than I’d hoped.

Let’s go, pet. Got someone I want you to talk to for me.

Gave her the axe and told her to have at it. I tried to explain a bit about what a Slayer is, but Miss Tough-girl wasn’t impressed. Laughed at me when I said she’d have to be quick and clever to get one up on this girl. Reckon she’s never seen Buffy in action. If she gets lucky, good on her. If not, I’ll let her learn the hard way. Not as if she’s likely to have time to make much use of the lesson …


I’m guessing it didn’t work out for her, being as how the Slayer was all perky and undamaged when she finally showed up. And how the hell did her mother get hands on that axe? If the Slayer didn’t dust that bloody girl, I’ll do her myself just for that mistake. Stupid bint better hope she’s dust before I find her …

~ – ~ – ~ – ~ – ~

So, Sheila, huh? Didn’t see that one coming. Giles’ll be all “You should have been able to sense a vampire, Buffy.” I guess Spike sent her after me. Like some fledgling minion was going to get the drop on me … which, okay, she kinda did, but— Sorry, Slayer-killer, it’s not gonna be that easy. Not going down to some scuzzy minion you just turned yesterday.

If I’d had the time, I’d’ve stopped to giggle at the expression on Sheila’s face when I clocked her with her own axe. Guess Spike didn’t tell her what he was siccing her on. Pretty funny — in an I-should-probably-chase-her-down-and-stake-her kind of way.

I probably shouldn’t have let her run away, but it’s Sheila. She’ll do something stupid sooner or later, and I’ll get her then. Spike and his experienced minions have to be the priority tonight. I’ll run into her at the Bronze or something and take care of her then. She hasn’t been a vamp long enough to learn anything. She’ll be easy to find. Tonight I’ve got old-vampire ass to kick …

~ – ~ – ~ – ~ – ~

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod! Those are the ugliest people I’ve ever seen! If that’s what PCP does to your face, all I can say is I’m glad I swore to never do drugs … Oh, who am I kidding? Those are vampires. The school’s been attacked by vampires. We’re all gonna die.

What’s —? Oh God, they’ve found me. Here’s a — Oh, it’s okay. It’s that bad-ass chick that was helping Buffy with the refreshments. I guess it’s okay if she hides in here with me. Might as well be friendly and talk to her. She doesn’t look like the type to vote for Homecoming Queen, but you never know …

She didn’t buy the PCP thing, either. No reason to if you’ve lived in Sunnydale all your life. You learn stuff. Guess we’re in this togeth–… Crap! She’s one of them! Well, that’s that. Maybe she’ll make me a vampire, too. I wonder what it’s like?

If I wasn’t about to pee my pants, I’d be laughing at the expression on her face — and okay, yeah, she’s still zeroing in on my neck, but she didn’t bite me yet. I think she might even answer my question.

“I don’t have to follow anybody’s rules, I don’t have to take anybody’s crap …”

“But you’ve always been like that.” (Just because we aren’t besties, doesn’t mean I don’t know who she is. She got into a fight in the middle of Algebra class, for cripes’ sake.)

Hah! Confused her again. She’s trying to act all cool about it, but I could see she had to think for a second. And I’m still alive … and she’s still talking …

“Okay, sure, I acted that way. And yeah, I really was tough. But this is different. ……… I’m not afraid of anything. Anything.”

That sounds pretty awesome, actually. Maybe Sheila doesn’t know about Buffy?

(Hey, good for me. I remembered her name. Cordy says it’s always important to know the names of the little people you want on your side.)

Lots of people don’t. Know about Buffy, that is. I wouldn’t if Cordy hadn’t slipped one night when she was drinking shots of something gross. I don’t know exactly what a “Slayer” is, but I do know that when I said Buffy’s name, Sheila got real, real quiet for a few seconds. So, maybe she does know.

Keep her talking. They say that’s the key to hostage situations. Ask her more questions …

I guess our little bonding moment is over. Who knows? Maybe I’ll like … oh yeah. That’s just … Wow. Who knew? Hey, and bonus, I’m not dead, and Sheila’s not acting like she wants me dead. Wants to know where I live. Might as well tell her. It’s not like she can get in if I don’t want her to — I know how to protect myself against vamps. I’m not as stupid as people think I am.


So, Sheila and me. I guess it didn’t hurt that my idea worked. I wasn’t sure she’d go for it, but she really isn’t afraid of anything.

Except Buffy. She thinks I haven’t noticed how she freezes whenever I mention Buffy, but I notice.

Things got a little hairy when the scuzball roomie turned out to be another vampire, but my Sheila knew what to do. We kicked his ass for real. By which I mean, she did. But I was the distraction. And she could have just let him kill me. … I mean, she had the idea, she didn’t really need me to … Anyway, so all we had to do was set the scene — holy water burns and all. … That part grossed me out, but I guess it was worth it. It worked to get Kyle off her back. And she was even nice to me for a few minutes.

Friends. Lovers — even if she doesn’t want to admit it. There’s got to be a reason she keeps coming back to drink without killing me. She says she likes to talk to me, but I know what keeps her coming back. She likes me. I mean, of course she does. It’s not like if she wasn’t a vamp, I’d be hanging out with her. So it’s a good deal for both of us. She gets to rub up against a little class, and I get to feel like … Oh yeah. Like that. Again …

She almost admitted she likes me when she found out how long I’d waited around for her. Covered for it pretty well with her “Get some sleep, eat something, then sleep some more. I’ll come over and slap you silly when I think you’re strong enough to appreciate it.” But I know her. That was her way of saying she was sorry for making me cry. She loves me. I hope she doesn’t really do anything really painful to me when she comes back. I don’t think I was serious about that. I don’t think so … really … probably not.

~ – ~ – ~ – ~ – ~

This is going to work out. For a while, anyway. I’ve got Tana on tap when I need — want! when I want her — and she actually has a good idea every once in a while. Knew just how to handle Kyle, I’ll give her that. There’s a devious mind underneath that shiny hair. Not that I’m not going to kill her eventually, but why spoil a good thing?

Finally got her to understand that the Bronze is off limits without actually having to spell out that I don’t ever want to see Buffy again. Or, worse yet, be seen by her. I heard she fought Spike to a stand-still. Yeah, Miss Buffy Summers — you’re not what you seemed to be. Not by a long shot. Should have listened better when Spike was trying to tell me about Slayers. I’m tough, but I’m not stupid. If I keep my head down, and Tana keeps her mouth shut, there’s no reason why I can’t stay in the same town with a Slayer. It’s not like I’m leaving bodies everywhere. Yeah, I can make this work …


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